Poor Relational Behaviors

(5) Losing Strategies to Staying Connected

• Being Right: speaking with self-righteous indignation

• Controlling Partner: trying to “get him/her to…”

• Unbridled Self –Expression: an adult temper tantrum

• Retaliation: “you burned me, now I’ll annihilate you”

• Withdrawal: becoming walled-off and superior or walled-off and defeated

WHAT TO DO?????????????

* Make time for each other

* List your complains. Not criticisms which attack your partner and lead to shutdown or defensiveness, but valid complains that address behaviors that lead to hurt or disconnect.

* Find a time when you both are in a good "head/heart place" with each other, then deal with one complaint at a time. Alternate as you go.

* Be patience & cautious with each other. Perhaps simply writing your complaints down separately, then seeking professional guidance is more effective.

* Schedule a time with me to address how combating these losing strategies, and learning new skills can result in a more connected relationship. 253-777-9782 x 700

References: Real Relational Solutions (2007)