(5) Losing Strategies to Staying Connected
• Being Right: speaking with self-righteous indignation
• Controlling Partner: trying to “get him/her to…”
• Unbridled Self –Expression: an adult temper tantrum
• Retaliation: “you burned me, now I’ll annihilate you”
• Withdrawal: becoming walled-off and superior or walled-off and defeated
WHAT TO DO?????????????
* Make time for each other
* List your complains. Not criticisms which attack your partner and lead to shutdown or defensiveness, but valid complains that address behaviors that lead to hurt or disconnect.
* Find a time when you both are in a good "head/heart place" with each other, then deal with one complaint at a time. Alternate as you go.
* Be patience & cautious with each other. Perhaps simply writing your complaints down separately, then seeking professional guidance is more effective.
* Schedule a time with me to address how combating these losing strategies, and learning new skills can result in a more connected relationship. 253-777-9782 x 700
References: Real Relational Solutions (2007)