Sunrise Couples Therapy

(253) 777-9782

3911 9th St SW Ste A211 Puyallup, Washington 98373 

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Is the Gas On? Cause I cant See myself.

As a result of Gaslighting by others you can begin at a early age questioning your own subjective reality. You slowly, and gradually begin to doubt your true feelings and thoughts.

 

I wonder if this starts early in our lives. Do our parents introduce us to self doubt by telling us that, " we didn't see, feel, hear, or experience our subjective reality as kids?

 

Then as adults our intimate relationships collide with that programming, and our personal insecurities resulting in disconnect, addiction and more confusion. Isn't it time to identify then face your truth and embrace the person you were BORN to be? 

 

We are here to help. Schedule your session Today!

www.sunrisecouplestherapy.com

www.sunrisefamilytherapy.com

 

Sessions available in Spanish & Russian

Offices in Puyallup & Federal Way.

Weekend appointments available

Gaslighting is defined by Love is respect.org this way: 

 

This term comes from the 1938 stage play Gas Light, in which a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy by dimming the lights (which were powered by gas) in their home, and then he denies that the light changed when his wife points it out.

 

It is a very effective form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity, which gives the abusive partner a lot of power (and we know that abuse is about power and control).

 

Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim’s ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to stay in the abusive relationship. 

 

There are several different gaslighting techniques that an abusive partner might use: 

 

Withholding: the abusive partner pretends not to understand or refuses to listen. Ex. “I don’t want to hear this again,” or “You’re trying to confuse me.” 

 

Countering: the abusive partner questions the victim’s memory of events, even when the victim remembers them accurately. Ex. “You’re wrong, you never remember things correctly.” 

 

Blocking/Diverting: the abusive partner changes the subject and/or questions the victim’s thoughts. Ex. “Is that another crazy idea you got from [friend/family member]?” or “You’re imagining things.” 

 

Trivializing: the abusive partner makes the victim’s needs or feelings seem unimportant. Ex. “You’re going to get angry over a little thing like that?” or “You’re too sensitive.”

 

Forgetting/Denial: the abusive partner pretends to have forgotten what actually occurred or denies things like promises made to the victim. Ex. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” or “You’re just making stuff up.”

 

Gaslighting typically happens very gradually in a relationship; in fact, the abusive partner’s actions may seem harmless at first. Over time, however, these abusive patterns continue and a victim can become confused, anxious, isolated, and depressed, and they can lose all sense of what is actually happening. Then they start relying on the abusive partner more and more to define reality, which creates a very difficult situation to escape.

 

In order to overcome this type of abuse, it’s important to start recognizing the signs and eventually learn to trust yourself again. According to author and psychoanalyst Robin Stern, Ph.D., the signs of being a victim of gaslighting include:

  • You constantly second-guess yourself.

  • You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” multiple times a day.

  • You often feel confused and even crazy.

  • You’re always apologizing to your partner.

     

Psychology Today suggest, " Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality.

 

It works much better than you may think. Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting, and it is a common technique of abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done slowly, so the victim doesn't realize how much they've been brainwashed. 

 

People who gaslight typically use the following techniques:  

 

1. They tell blatant lies. 

 

You know it's an outright lie. Yet they are telling you this lie with a straight face. Why are they so blatant? Because they're setting up a precedent. Once they tell you a huge lie, you're not sure if anything they say is true. Keeping you unsteady and off-kilter is the goal. 

 

2. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof. 

 

You know they said they would do something; you know you heard it. But they out and out deny it. It makes you start questioning your reality—maybe they never said that thing. And the more they do this, the more you question your reality and start accepting theirs. 

 

3. They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition. 

 

They know how important your kids are to you, and they know how important your identity is to you. So those may be one of the first things they attack. If you have kids, they tell you that you should not have had those children. They will tell you'd be a worthy person if only you didn't have a long list of negative traits. They attack the foundation of your being. 

 

4. They wear you down over time. 

 

This is one of the insidious things about gaslighting—it is done gradually, over time. A lie here, a lie there, a snide comment every so often...and then it starts ramping up. Even the brightest, most self-aware people can be sucked into gaslighting—it is that effective. It's the "frog in the frying pan" analogy: The heat is turned up slowly, so the frog never realizes what's happening to it. 

 

5. Their actions do not match their words. 

 

When dealing with a person or entity that gaslights, look at what they are doing rather than what they are saying. What they are saying means nothing; it is just talk. What they are doing is the issue. 

 

6. They throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you. 

 

This person or entity that is cutting you down, telling you that you don't have value, is now praising you for something you did. This adds an additional sense of uneasiness. You think, "Well maybe they aren't so bad." Yes, they are. This is a calculated attempt to keep you off-kilter—and again, to question your reality. Also look at what you were praised for; it is probably something that served the gaslighter. 

 

7. They know confusion weakens people. 

 

Gaslighters know that people like having a sense of stability and normalcy. Their goal is to uproot this and make you constantly question everything. And humans' natural tendency is to look to the person or entity that will help you feel more stable—and that happens to be the gaslighter.  

 

8. They project. 

 

They are a drug user or a cheater, yet they are constantly accusing you of that. This is done so often that you start trying to defend yourself, and are distracted from the gaslighter's own behavior.

You hear your authentic self calling. It has been calling you for so long. You have initiated the process of responding at different times, in different ways and phrases of your life. Make this time different; make it matter. FINISH your work this time. We are hear to support you in this effort.

 

Together, we can get to the source of your problem once and for all. We can really help in addressing complex issues.  This is your time and opportunity. Its all about you. It always has been.

 

Register now to be seen tomorrow.

 

If you need to talk first, call us at (253) 777-9782. We are here to listen. 

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