Sunrise Couples Therapy

(253) 777-9782

3911 9th St SW Ste A211 Puyallup, Washington 98373 

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Poor Relational Behaviors

November 12, 2016

(5) Losing Strategies to Staying Connected

 

• Being Right: speaking with self-righteous indignation

 

• Controlling Partner: trying to “get him/her to…”

 

• Unbridled Self –Expression: an adult temper tantrum

 

• Retaliation: “you burned me, now I’ll annihilate you”

 

• Withdrawal: becoming walled-off and superior or walled-off and defeated

 

WHAT TO DO?????????????

 

* Make time for each other

 

* List your complains. Not criticisms which attack  your partner and lead to shutdown or defensiveness, but valid complains that address behaviors that lead to hurt or disconnect.

 

* Find a time when you both are in a good "head/heart place" with each other, then deal with one complaint at a time. Alternate as you go. 

 

* Be patience & cautious with each other. Perhaps simply writing your complaints down separately, then seeking  professional guidance is more effective.

 

* Schedule a time with me to address how combating these losing strategies, and learning new skills can result in a more connected relationship.  253-777-9782 x 700

 

 

References: Real Relational Solutions (2007)

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